DRIVE MOOR CAREFULLY
M5: If you could be a country, which would you be and why? We floundered a bit on this question, its harder than you think- everywhere has its cons, it seems.
The Assistants decide that singing is truly a joyful thing and very much easier than the aforementioned question and continue on- full of song, though ever-hunting for a song that we both know the words to.

Don’t you just love those comedy signs that borough councils put up. ‘Thank you for driving moor carefully’ it says every 20 yards. See what they did there? We are motoring through the beautiful Dartmoor on a crisp sunny day. Driving what feels remotely like a computer game- narrow roads, high hedges, twisty turniness- in search of a chair. And then suddenly Dartmoor opens up into a massive expanse, where you can see the winding roads wending across the moor for miles and miles. Peaks and troughs and enormous skies stretch out in every direction. Standing stones pop up here and there, as we scan the horizon for a seat. And when we stop, the air is stupidly fresh and the wind blusters around on the tops of the hills, the tors. Amazingly each day’s weather has, so far, been as perfect, for our choice of adventure, as we could possibly ask for. Today is bright and breezy, with interesting clouds prettying up the sky.

We are headed, then, for the Giant’s Chair. It is a 6m oak sculpture with its own online facebook group to save the chair from local planners who want it removed by March. It was built by Henry Bruce two years ago but was erected with no planning permission, hence its sentence- its due to be removed in March- so be quick, just in case. Its close to Widecombe-on-the-Moor, Dartmoor.

The assistants had high hopes of perching up on the Giant chair and, from there, taking in the glorious view of the never-ending moors. The harsh reality is that they couldn’t quite make it up there. Ashley and his mum from Exeter had a go at helping our sorry arses up onto the chair. The original plan: to sit atop it wearing evening dresses with unmarked dance cards, was fast revealing itself to be folly. The satin dresses did, however, act as welcome scarves against the biting November winds.

It’s spectacular, but NB: if you plan to sit on it you’ll be needing a rope ladder or similar or a very tall friend. But do go- it’s very worth it.

And the rain starts right on cue as the assistants head off to Two Bridges. Zipping by sheep and walls again, gliding through damp green pleasantness and dodging fat mini ponies in the road who potter about dishing out dirty looks. There is a supernatural story about a stretch of road here known as the Hairy Hands. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hairy_hands - so take care on the roads here, no-one likes a disembodied pair of hairy hands helping them to steer.

DARTMOOR
Over Dartmoor - headed towards Bodmin, past the Merrivale prehistoric monument, if you had more time than we did we’d recommend a good long walk over the Moor. Dartmoor contains the largest concentration of Bronze Age remains in the country, lots of standing stones, Merrivale being just one of them. You could do a tour of tors perhaps- the many hills topped with outcrops of bedrock- or go and see the bronze age hut circles at Grimspound- though some of these, apparently, are a little bogus having been randomly ‘restored’ by Victorian ‘Archaeologists’.

Extra points for spotting the beast of Bodmin.

Advice to all: relieved as you may be to reach Tavistock from the windy/ hairy driving of the moors, do not get distracted by the wonderful old police station and nearly drive through a red light where a man in a wheelchair may wait to cross it. That would be a very bad look and might just tip you over the edge.

Dukes Café behind the town’s information centre, however, will calm even the most rattled or frayed nerves. They served to the assistants the absolute best homemade soup we have ever had outside of home.

They sell soup like, um hotcakes, they informed us. And their Butternut Squash and Coconut is a favourite with those in the know.We know, now too, we know. If you can’t get there or if they’ve not got it on the menu on the day you go, here’s the recipe they kindly gave us – along with some tips of our own, gleened from a few practice runs of this total crowd pleaser of a soup.

Butternutty & Coconut Lovely soup
Ingredients: Butter, Onion, Garlic, Ginger, Butternut squash, veg stock, tin of coconut milk, seasoning, flour.
Fry the onion & garlic (plenty) in butter or oil- gently with a lid on and then add the cubed squash and a good lump of peeled ginger- diced. When the onion and garlic are getting squidgy and caramelised- not burnt tho, then..
Make a roux with the flour in the veg pan using the remaining fat and the fat stuck on the veg and working it into a smooth roux.... Then slowly add the stock- stirring between additions to keep it smooth Bring to the boil then turn the heat down and simmer slowly for about 15-20 mins or until the squash is tender.
Then buzz it up in a blender or, better, with a buzzy hand blender- til its smooth
Then add the tin of coconut milk, simmer again - but don't boil. And eat it

So, smug and happy and utterly warmed and a little bit sleepy, we set off again for Bodmin. Before the co-pilot assistant fell asleep there was a brief discussion that there does seem to be a great big penis on every hill, north and south of the country.